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Nooo…not on earth (as some of you may have hoped for), but the last day at my job at Oce.

WHOOT!

I now join the ranks of snowboarding ‘professionals’ living off the phat of the land, coming around to your places for free dinners, ‘forgetting’ his wallet at home when we go to the bar, living the life of noon wake-ups, EI cheques, daytime talk shows, playing PS2 till 3am, and the likes of that.

Hummm….hope the money lasts a while. Does anyone know if humans can live off of grass and tree bark…?

“Welcome to the jungle,
We’ve got fun ‘n’ games.
We got everything you want,
Honey, we know the names.”

…the Porno Hut! A collection of fake (or perhaps just-not-yet-real) porn titles created and archived by my brother. You can even add your own.

The facts:

Name: SOHO Cafe & Billiards
Pint size: 400 ml
Price: $4.75
MoA/D: 4.22
Beer: Okanagan Springs Pale Ale
Website: http://www.sohocafe.ca
Map

First off, I’d like to state that 6:30 in the morning is no time to be writing reviews for bars, but here we are. Second, I’d like to point out that I have noticed that the name of this bar is SOHO in all capital letters, that is in fact accurate, and I don’t know what that is the way it is. Even in New York I don’t think it’s that way, unless people refer to South Of HOuston. I don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong, it won’t be the first time.

One thing I don’t think I’m wrong about is this bar. And believe you me if you were there with me you wouldn’t have to think long and hard about it either. This place was capital ‘D’ Dead ladies and gentlemen. When I go to a place for apres work drinks on a Friday I expect to have to jostle for space with the assorted laity in the never ending dance of the drunkards. SOHO, however, appears to have all the appeal of a plague ridden rat infested shack. One would think it doesn’t serve beer, but it does, and it charges beaucoup to cashola as well. A 4.22 MoA/D is not something to brag about to other bar owners. It’s a shame too, as this place has some potential. The building itself is a nice old brick place in Yaletown, and it’s one of the few places that one can drink and play pool at the same time without having to pop into and out of a ‘lounge’ between shots (either shots of pool or tequila). But at the end of the day I’m paying almost $5 for a small beer and the right to pay to play pool. Count me as not impressed.

Grade: C

The facts:

Name: Benny’s Bagels
Pint size: 400 ml
Price: $3.00
MoA/D: 6.67
Beer: Okanagan Springs Pale Ale
Map

I remember spending many an evening during my university days, wiling away the hours talking to friends while abusing Benny’s free coffee refill policy. Then they started charging fifty cents for refills and any reasons I had for going there disappeared. Until one wonderful day I was talking to my brother (who has a nose for these sorts of things) and he let me know that Benny’s had installed beer taps. And the beer was cheap. Oh sweet revelation.

Ever since this has been among my favourite places to go for a post-word beverage. Uncomfortable seats and strange table designs aside, the decor is passable. There’s a decent south-facing patio for summer swilling, and a smattering of artsy types to make me feel as though I myself am somewhat trendy. There’s couches and a fireplace but I’ve never been able to get rid of the riffraff that appear to have taken up permanent residence there. One of the facilities that I’ll never use is the WiFi that’s apparently there. I hope that doesn’t give me cancer of the brain, or at least I hope it doesn’t do so while my liver is still functioning. The place is serve yourself so you do have to work slightly harder for your beer, but consider it as paying yourself a dollar to do so, since that’s basically what you’re saving on the beer.

Grade: B+

Jebus…I’ve only got a couple days left here at work, three to be exact, and I was looking forward to a little R&R.

Then the BC Govnerment pulls THIS over on ME!

3% raise in alcohol costs.

Good GAWD! We’ll now be paying 53% on draft beer to 110% on wine and 159% on spirits.

I’d cry in my beer but I can’t afford to water it down any more…

“We got in a tan van,
us two in the back,
with Steve McGarrett
from Hawaii-Five-O.
At the steering wheel,
speeding away we slide into a
parking lot.
And all in slow motion,
These tough guys appear.”

Apparently Harry Shearer has a radio show.

Check the info out here.

“Some people believe in astrology,
Others believe in technology,
Some people believe in all those -ologies.
But I believe in swordfish!
He believes in swordfish!”

Yoddles! So there’s going to be a Birthday Shindig for my 31st Bday coming up. It’s going to be going down at Steamworks this Sat Jan 31st at 6pm.

Brett (Jebus from hockey) is having his 30th Bday party also that day, so it’s going to be a joint venture going on.

Come on down for 6pm for some dindin, and a little after if you’re just going to be partaking of the beverages.

Fire me off an email if you think you’re going to make it so we can get some kinda idea for numbers for a reservation!

“Happy Birthday to 2D
Happy Birthday to 2D
Haaaaaappy Birthday to 2D
Happy Birthday to 2D!!!”